Welcome to my site,
My aim is to raise awareness about the issue of domestic violence. I am a survivor of domestic abuse and childhood abuse. I wish to encourage other women to break the chains of gender violence. I was born into a catholic family and my father used the religion to oppress us all. He did not practice his religion as all religions teach, morals, kindness, and courage.
I reverted to Islam when I was 18 years old when I married my first husband. I divorced him as he was not happy for me to be a Muslim. I went on to marry my next husband who accepted that I was Muslim, and have remained Muslim to this day. I was not a victim of Islam, I was a victim of a man who said he was a Muslim and always prayed. However like my father he did not follow his religion and perpetrated so much violence and abuse on me.
A healthy relationship is made up of trust, intimacy, patience, compassion, support, encouragement, praise, equality in decision making, freedom to have a point of view, understanding of feelings, communication and honesty, negotiation and compromise, respect individual beliefs and values, freedom to have friends and interests, healthy boundaries and respect, not being threatened, feel safe from harm from partner or in-laws, no verbal abuse criticism or judgemental comments and no oppression. there should be no domination of either partner.
I was raised in a very unhealthy way and therefore became conditioned to except less without even realising. I have never experienced a healthy relationship myself.
Domestic violence is used by the perpetrator to gain power and control over their victim. My perpetrator used the following tactics to control me, verbal abuse, physical abuse, social abuse, financial abuse and sexual abuse.
All the tactics he deployed were damaging and they all seemed to overlap with each other. For me personally I found the sexual abuse the most damaging as it opened up my feelings of being powerless as a child. He however could not have abused me sexually if I was not afraid of him physically killing me. He completely controlled and dominated me as I was afraid of him actually carrying out his promises to mutilate me, kill me and the children, kill my sister and physically harm me routinely.
The impact of the abuse I endured over the years is most evident on my health, I live with fibromyalgia and PTSD. I have also became socially isolated and have no close friends that I see. I have friendships on Facebook which have been very supportive and would love to meet some of them but I am afraid to reach out. I have one long term friend who I have kept in phone contact over the years.
My sister is my whole support network and if I did not have her I would be completely isolated. I now don’t want to leave my home. The damage of living with a controlling dominator has taken its toll on me mentally and physically.
I was a Muslim when I met my perpetrator and even though I am still Muslim I struggle. This struggle is because of the psychological damage. I will always be a Muslim insha Allah.
I have survived to tell my story and guide others to free themselves from the chains of domestic violence as we all posses the power to break free, it takes some of us longer than others to become aware that they have the power.