Why did I not walk away when he first ever hit me? I ask this question to myself all the time. I wanted happiness, I wanted a family.
He was handsome and I was recently divorced. I had already waited years wanting a baby and my head clearly was not in a good place. I was anorexic and had a low self esteem due to my childhood and divorce .
If the woman I am today meet the young woman I was, I would tell her you are young, beautiful and don’t except less than you deserve.
The younger me wouldn’t have believed that I did and that’s why it was so easy for him to gradually erode my sense of self until finally I did not recognise the much older woman in the mirror.
Unfortunately, such domestic abuse issues are quite common in Muslim households. The domestic violence issues that Muslim women face worldwide include husbands hitting their wives (even when they are pregnant like in my case ), family violence through marital discord, depression, humiliation, and other emotional illnesses that result from such treatment, and much more.
I was not raised to think of myself as special, but I raise my beautiful daughter mashallah to know that she is special. As parents it our duty to raise the next generation to not except domestic violence and defiantly they should never commit it.
My Perpetrator acquired a view of domestic violence behaviour that was passed down through generations. His issues were not to do with the inability to control his anger, and his seemingly uncontrolled reactions to events. He made a reasoned choice to behave as he did to achieve power and control over me and out children.
Being raised in a violent family setting played a role in him believing violence was expectable He also made friends with other men from his home country who also used violence as a tool to enable them to get whatever they wanted.
However he was a praying Muslim and was therefore aware that this went against the teachings of Islam.
Unfortunately a number of men who abuse their families are active “mosque goers” and proponents of Muslim issues, while not following in their own homes what they preach outside. Have these men forgotten the basic teachings of what the prophet Muhammad (saws) said about treatment of women?
When I went to his home country his family actually had him attack me while I was asleep so I would be broken to except whatever they or he wanted. This was a method they felt would be effective.
Sadly many families are conditioning men to behave in this way even though it completely goes against their Islamic faith.
“The most perfect of believers in belief is the best of them in character. The best of you are those who are the best to their women.”