This has been such a emotionally hard week. My son got married. He and his beautiful bride looked so happy. I allowed his father to come to the wedding. Even though he treated us all so badly. I did not want my son to have any regrets in the future inshallah..
Alhamdulillah my son was so full of love for his bride. I watched them so proud that even though he was raised with a horrendous role model for a father, he chose a better path. Just one week previously his father informed him that the violence he witnessed him inflict on me were just problems between husband and wife. My son told him that violence is not normal and he will never think it is inshallah.. The cycle of domestic violence inshallah will not continue to flow.
I have cleaned and dressed a bedroom for them. I reassured my beautiful daughter in-law that I will treat her like my own daughter . She need never worry about how welcome she will be inshallah.
The way I have already treated her is a far cry from the way I was treated by my vicious mother in-law who demanded I be broken. My wedding day was not a beautiful lovely experience. It was cold and lacking in love and good intentions.
I am so happy to see my son treat her so beautifully. But I am also grieving for the happiness I was denied. I ask myself why did he not treat me with care, let alone love?
He was raised to treat any wife like she was nothing. It was never about me. It was all about who he was and not who I am. However the abuse he gave me felt so very personal insulting me about everything to do with me, being Irish gaining weight while pregnant, becoming sick, growing older, not speaking Arabic, not being Algerian the list goes on, so it felt very personal to me.
Alhamdulillah my son was raised by me to understand his father’s behaviour was wrong. All my children are good with him but do not see him as a role model. Whenever he was wild, I would remind my children that this was outrageous behaviour and out of Islam. I never made excuses for his abuse and did not minimise it. They understood that I was to terrified to seek help for fear he would kill us all.
I couldn’t be prouder of my lovely son mashAllah, he is a gentle caring compassionate soul who will treat his wife with the actions of love, not just saying the words I love you. May Allah grant my son and daughter in law a marriage full of love and happiness inshallah.