When I finally freed myself from his control I was left with children who perceived me as weak. They grew up with me being frozen by the abuse unable to comand respect in my home.
My heart breaks when my beautiful princess speaks to me with such disrespect. When she looks at me with cold eyes.
My children love me I don’t doubt that yet they see me as someone who will serve them regardless of how little they do to help me or themselves.
I have lived in a state of putting everyone’s wants above my own. I feel so guilty for not being brave enough to face the fear of what he would do if I stood up to him.
But that guilt should not be mine. I never chose to be abused. I never asked to be treated like a servant in my own home. I didn’t ask to live in a frozen state.
I have decided that my children are no longer going to be waited on by me no matter how tired I might be.
I will treat them with love and kindness but no longer will allow myself to be disrespected by them. I need to stop living in this frozen state and allow myself to feel emotion.
I need to start to love myself and demand respect from my beautiful children that I love so much.