Islam gives women so many rights Alhamdulillah. Sadly many times a strong beautiful vibrant women marries and becomes a shell of her former self. If they have married a husband who ignores the rights of his wife then it makes no difference how many rights she has as she will not get to exercise them.
I chose to embrace Islam of my own free will. I sadly married cultural men on both occasions who did not want to behave as good Muslim husbands and allow me to exercise my rights.
Islam is a beautiful religion, sadly cultural Muslim men who want their wife’s to give them all the rights laid down and themselves refuse to give their wife’s any of their Islamic rights are ignorant.
Sometimes the he tears fill up inside me my throat hurts, chest tightens and I can’t stop crying. Why have I had this life. Why was I not born into a kind loving home? Why was I never loved? Why was I born into poverty and abused? Why when I embraced Islam did I have two husband who used and abused me?
I was abused in every way possible as a child. My mum was mentality ill and unable to be loving or protect me and my siblings from my evil paedophile father.
I then married my first husband who only married me to have a passport and economic benefits. He wanted to use me for time. I was unaware of his intentions. I divorced him as he didn’t want me to be Muslim. He wanted to use me for time and in the community he would have been looked down upon if I was Muslim. He felt it would be ok to use a non Muslim. Clearly it is not ok to use anyone.
How was I unlucky enough to have my horrendous childhood then to marry a user? Why me, why then was I to go on to be abused by the next husband.
I went on to marry another abuser this time I had no doubt that I was being abused. Why me I asked. Now after 22 years it is clear that the childhood I had made me have very low expectations of a partner. The violence and sexual abuse in childhood left me not loving myself so I didn’t expect real love from anyone else. I also had never felt love from my parents leaving me exposed and vulnerable.
When the second husband was violent so early in the relationship I out of shame stayed and out of fear continue to stay. I was to familiar with fear as I knew fear well. I even felt strong as I thought I was handling the fear. I wasn’t letting him get to me.
Little did I know that the fear was already controlling me. I was not in control of the violence. Just because I told myself I wasn’t afraid didn’t mean I wasn’t.
My childhood prepared me for the abuse that I endured. I am not saying that I am not strong as clearly I survived so much so I must be strong. However telling myself that he couldn’t get to me just lead me to endure much more than I could bear.
Islam did not abuse me my husband did that. Islam did not oppress me my husband did that. Muslim women who blame other women for not knowing their Islamic rights for abuse suffered need to think about victim blaming. If the husband would respect a woman’s rights in Islam he wouldn’t need to be told what they were by his wife. If a man wants to abuse knowing your rights wouldn’t stop him.
I informed my husband of my rights on many occasions and even bought him books as he refused to provide even the money to pay for his living costs let alone me or our children. He would become violent and aggressive and even use weapons to intimidate me.
Even when you are free from the abuser the damage years of abuse leaves it’s scars. Memories of violence.
Alhamdulillah I am decorating my home making it look different from the prison it became. Moving forward step by step. May Allah protect us all.