Alhamdulillah,time goes by so quickly, I still find myself stunned by my freedom. When you have been controlled for so long, you become stuck in time, self esteem and confidence in short supply. I have just occupied myself with decorating, gardening and fixing things around the house. If I sit down and relax the tears will flow, therefore I keep as busy as possible. I haven’t really processed what we have lived through.
On a positive note, I have mashallah, built a summerhouse, landscaped the garden, decorated the kitchen and changed the furniture around the house. I have achieved so much in eighteen months Alhamdulillah.
However I have unwittingly still been living to his rules as I have mostly remained housebound even though it was now my choice.
During the summer I went on day trips with my youngest child mashallah she was so happy as I could never go with her before, she would go in secret with my sister so she could at least make some memories.
This week I started to go swimming to a lovely women only session. I was so nervous meeting other people is something I avoid even though people don’t notice I have social anxiety as I mask it well. Alhamdulillah,I had nothing to fear the sisters and other women were warm and welcoming.
After not swimming for ever and I never learnt how too swim in the first place I was in so much pain due to my fibromyalgia. I decided that would not stop me and went again on the Thursday and Alhamdulillah the pain was much less so perseverance works.
My daughter gained excellent GCSE results mashallah and she has started her A Levels Alhamdulillah.
The boys are not quite where they want to be but are safe well and happy mashallah we can’t complain. We survived though so much and have come through the other end.