He has finally moved on. Why can he still upset me?

It’s confusingly painful that you can not in your wildest dreams want to ever be with your abuser yet be sad that he has finally found someone to marry him. He gets a happy ever after and I am left with the destruction he has caused to all of us.

My grief is for the love and happiness never given. He told me she has the same name as me is the same age as me but successful and healthier. Alhamdulillah she doesn’t live with fibromyalgia and PTSD and is not terrified at the thought of marriage again because she has not felt fear. She drives and is a teacher all my dreams he denied me. Her children were raised in a happy home with no violence so are happy high achieving young people.

My sadness is she is who I could have been without being abused by him. I’m not jealous of her, I wish them both happiness. I want him to actually love her and treat her with kindness. I make dua that he won’t damaged more innocent people.

However it hurts so much that he oppressively controlled me so when I gained my degree he never allowed me to work or learn to drive as he didn’t agree with female drivers. Yet he sat there boasting about her genius children and her highly paid teaching job. Her lovely car.

It’s very raw right now, I can’t believe his insensitivity and boastful jibes. My children are still standing Alhamdulillah, he oppressively bullied them and me. They were raised witnessing violence and sometimes receiving it. So yes our boys are not successful geniuses they are not at university or have good jobs. Our daughter Alhamdulillah achieved very excellent GCSEs in spite of her childhood.

Our children have survived him Alhamdulillah and are still Muslim mashallah. How he can still cause hurt me when he moves on astounded me.

I always thought he would move on with someone young and pretty and that would hurt. Yet to go on to marry the successful Muslim women you would have been if he didn’t abuse is actually cruel.

Inshallah, I will recover from the 22 years of violence and oppression and be the accomplished Muslim women I can be without him to hold me back. I am determined to be successful as at forty seven, its not to late. I have to remember that he would never give up on us without finding someone else to marry. He will now happily go on and leave us in peace. She lives far away from us at least a few hours by train so he will have to move far away inshallah.

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