Taking back control

As grew up in violence and went on to marry a abuser. I have spent so much of my life, pleasing others, not wanting to make waves, agreeing with others to avoid conflict, etc. “Don’t make a fuss or else he will be mad.” I did everything running myself ragged in the process. I used to drive myself crazy trying to please everyone. I was completely isolated.

Even when I escaped the violence, I still did all the jobs to maintain the home. In doing all of this I lost the most important person in my life. Myself. I’d forgotten who the real me was.

In my home, I learned that if I didn’t make stand up for myself change wouldn’t happen. However it didn’t last long. Soon I would have to change, adapt, and give in again to placate the prevailing mood or attitudes of others.

It was exhausting, and in the middle of it all I lost my sense of identity. I was now living a self-imposed isolation because I didn’t want to see the outside world.
One day after doing everything with no help and constant criticism, I broke down and cried. This is not what I wanted. I had dreams and being a doormat to my three grown children was definitely not my dream.

I asked myself the following questions:
What are you passionate about?
What do you want to do ?
What do you want out of life?

I realized that if I was to be happy and free, it was up to me to change. I had to stop feeling guilty for marrying badly. I never chose to be abused. I did not ask to be a victim of domestic violence. Alhamdulillah I was a survivor.

Changing the way, I interacted with my children was very uncomfortable for a long time. Suddenly I was no longer the pushover, and when I disagreed or refused to go along with their ideas, I suffered their wrath.

Alhamdulillah already with just about six months of being true to myself, I am healing my relationship with myself. Today, I am no longer trying to please everyone. My house is not as tidy as I would like, but my children need to learn the skills for life and that won’t happen if I keep doing everything for everyone.

I still ask myself questions about what i want and my life is now more fulfilling Alhamdulillah. I beginning to get to know who I am and what I want in my life or not. I learned to swim and set up my page and the group Alhamdulillah.

Each of us has a past and some of us have had it harder than others. Maybe you are struggling with the pressures on your shoulders. If you are unsatisfied with your life, why not try learning about yourself, your dreams, your desires and your passions? It could change your life for the better inshallah.

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