My greatest lesson.

My beautiful sister’s,

Perhaps the greatest lesson I learned was that I had spent a lifetime being miserable because I wanted my abuser to change his choice to abuse.

Change how he felt. Change how he acted. Change his abuse of me. I cried for that change. I prayed for that change. When I first asked for help, I only wanted him to change, to love me. To treat me kindly.

Finally when it ended it took me months and months to change myself with intention and purpose. How could I have expected and fought so hard for someone else to change, to love me. When they were acting on their own values, ego, and behaviours. They believed that the domestic violence was normal family problems.

As soon as I stopped fighting against the reality of who people are and started accepting that we (the victims/survivor’s) are the only people who can change , the fog began to lift. I finally have a purpose that isn’t futile – I needed to help the victim’s/survivor’s to understand we cannot change a person’s behaviour and we need to change our response to abuse.

So I created the page and the group’s. I wanted to end the silence around Domestic violence. To remove the shame on the victim and place it where it belongs to the perpetrator. To break the cycle of domestic violence. I stopped waiting for a meaningful heartfelt apology which was unlikely to ever come. I have achieved piece of mind Alhamdulillah.

I wish the same for you. You deserve peace after abuse . That begins and ends with you inshallah. ✨💚

Domestic violence.

To those who are using the hadith
“leave what doesn’t concern you”

To vilify people for getting involved in atrocities in the Ummah

Need to understand that sisters who are getting abused sexually, mentally, physically and emotionally, in the name of religion

Are OUR CONCERN!

This is OUR CONCERN!

WE ARE ONE UMMAH!

If my sister is being abused and NO One is doing anything about it

And instead imams are telling people to hush and give 70 excuses

Then this is OUR CONCERN.

Because CORRUPT SCHOLARS/Imams are giving ABUSERS the green light to CONTINUE.

Mate, if the person did it once cool.

But if its been going on for 10 years then it’s not a mistake!

It’s a character trait! It’s hypocrisy and it’s disgusting!

Our Prophet sallahu alayhi wasallam waged war against those who tore a woman’s garment

And you’re telling me to make 70 excuses for ABUSERS and leave what doesn’t concern me.

This is the problem with the Muslim community yall

You wanna sing Kum ba yah for war but when it comes to RAPE, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE that a MAN inflicts on his wife

Then you want to say “leave what does not concern you”

Where’s the GHEERAH? Where’s the PROTECTION?

This DEEN is a religion of DEFENCE!

That means you DEFEND your sisters ESPECIALLY when the EVIDENCE is stacked to the moon and back.

This is why ABUSIVE MEN continue because SHEIKHS/IMAMS/DA’EES are giving these ABUSERS the GREEN LIGHT

And this is why sisters leave the deen or kill themselves because no one is helping

Shame on yall

#Muslim #Islam #SayNoToAbuse

The truth will set you free.

The truth will set you free. Seek knowledge.

‘…Allah will raise those who have believed among you and those who were given knowledge, by degrees. And Allah is Acquainted with what you do.’ [Surah al-Mujadilah, ayah 11]

The prophet Mohammed PBUH never hit a woman. He cooked, cleaned and treated women kindly. Domestic violence causes depression and and trauma.

Gaining knowledge helps you to understand that your abuser has no fear of Allah SWT therefore he won’t change for you. When you inform him of your rights and he gets aggressive so you don’t dare to raise it again. Only Allah can change your perpetrator.

Allâh will certainly defend those who believe because Allâh loves no perfidious, ungrateful person.
(Quran 22:38)

Allah will protect you. If you are living in fear talk to someone as silence hides violence. Finally standing up to much perpetrator changed my life completely Alhamdulillah. I set up the group and the page so other sister’s understand that the abuse they are experiencing has nothing to do with Islam or even culture it is domestic violence. The perpetrators of domestic violence come from all backgrounds, religions etc. Domestic violence is about power and control. It has nothing to do with Islam.

I knew all my right and responsibilities in Islam. My perpetrator understood my rights. He appeared a devout Muslim to the community yet at home was a terrifying perpetrator. He did not fear Allah.

When my fear of staying became the same as leaving I prayed and calmly called the police. I thank Allah for protecting me and our children.

Abu Hurayrah [ra] narrated that the Messenger of Allah [saw] said: “Whosoever follows a path to seek knowledge therein, Allah will make easy for him a path to Paradise.”

[Muslim] The Messenger of Allah [saw] said: “Whoever treads a path due to which he seeks knowledge, Allah will make him tread one of the paths towards Paradise. And the angels lower their wings out of contentment for the seeker of knowledge. And verily all those in the heavens and in the earth, even the fish in the depths of the sea ask forgiveness for the scholar. And verily, the virtue of the scholar over the worshipper is like the virtue of the full moon at night over all of the stars. Indeed, the scholars are the inheritors of the Prophets, for the Prophets do not leave behind a dinar or a dirham for inheritance, but rather, they leave behind knowledge. So whoever takes hold of it, has acquired a large share [i.e. of inheritance].”

[Abu Dawud, at-Tirmidhi

Recovery from a toxic relationship.

Beautiful sister’s

How would it be to finally get over that one (toxic) ex before the summer starts. To sleep free from worries about ending up alone. To be in control of all parts of life again and understand what happened to that lost love that broke your heart… just to finally move on and enjoy the year ahead!

It’s not that hard to turn into the best version of yourself. The bright, beautiful, funny, confident, carefree and balanced woman that can be happy in her own skin.

All that’s needed is to practice self care and self love to get full control back and enjoy life again.

Peace with the past is the most desired state in life. We all seek it, but only few have it. Why? Because they are not looking within themselves for the love they seek.

A powerful reminder to help us redirect our hearts in times of difficulty, when the struggles of this world may leave us feeling alone, heavyhearted, unsupported or hurt:

“A friend will not (literally) share your struggles, and a loved one cannot physically take away your pain, and a close one will not stay up the night on your behalf. So look after yourself, protect yourself, nurture yourself and don’t give life’s events more than what they are really worth.

Know for certain that when you break no one will heal you except you, and when you are defeated no one will give you victory except your determination. Your ability to stand up again and carry on is your responsibility. Do not look for your self worth in the eyes of people; look for your worth from within your conscious. If your conscious is at peace then you will ascend high and if you truly know yourself then what is said about you won’t harm you.

Do not carry the worries of this life because this is for Allah (God). And do not carry the worries of sustenance because it is from Allah. And do not carry the anxiety for the future because it is in the Hands of Allah.

Carry one thing: how to please Allah. Because if you please Him, He pleases you, fulfils you and enriches you.
Do not weep from a life that made your heart weep. Just say, “Oh Allah compensate me with good in this life and the hereafter.”

Sadness departs with a Sajdah. Happiness comes with a sincere Du’a. Allah does not forget the good you do, nor does He forget the good you did to others and the pain you relieved them from. Nor will He forget the eye which was about to cry but you made it laugh.

Live your life with this principle: be good even if you don’t receive good, not because for other’s sake but because Allah loves those who do good.”

And it doesn’t take years to get there, it only takes a few simple life hacks to move you forward into feeling on top of the world and in control, loving life again in no time at all.

Take that chance to move forward NOW and spend the rest of the year feeling fantastic about yourself. Leaving that stuck feeling behind once and for all inshallah.

Respect your wife.

Assalamu alaikum …🌸

🌼RESPECT YOUR WIFE🌼

A woman is proud of herself just the same as a man would be. She likes to be respected by others. She would get hurt if she were to be insulted or belittled. She feels good when respected and would hate those who try to degrade her.

She works for you and your children’s comfort and thus expects you to value her efforts and to respect her. Honouring her would not belittle you but it would indeed go to prove your love and affection towards her. Therefore, respect her more than others and talk to her politely. Do not interrupt her or shout at her. Call her by respectful and virtuous names. Show your respect when she wants to sit down.

When you enter the house, if she forgets to say ‘Salam’ (greetings), then you should say ‘Salam’ to her.
Say ‘Good-bye’ when leaving your house. Do not lose contact with her when travelling or away from home. Write to her.

Show your respect for her when in gatherings. Seriously avoid all insults and humiliation. Do not abuse or even jokingly tease her. Do not think that because you are close to her she would not mind you making fun of her. On the contrary she will dislike such an attitude.

All women expect their husbands to respect them and all of them hate insults If some women keep silent before their husbands’ humiliations, it is not the proof of their satisfaction.

If you respect your wife, she will do the same to you and thus your relationship will grow stronger. You would also earn more respect from others. If you maltreat her and she retaliates, it is again your fault and not hers.

The Almighty Allah regards men as the guardians of their families and states in the Holy Qur’an that:
الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ
“Men are the maintainers of women, because Allah has made some of them to excel others…” (4:34).
Therefore, men have a greater and more difficult responsibility in supporting family and prepare the grounds for their happiness and it is he who can turn the house into a paradise and his wife.

“The Prophet of Allah (S) stated: ‘Man is the guardian of his family and every guardian has responsibilities towards those under his guardianship’.”1
A man, who is supporting his family, should know that a woman is also a human being like a man. She also has desires and the rights of freedom and life. Marrying a woman is not hiring a servant, but it is a selection of a partner and a friend who would be able to live with for the rest of one’s life. Man has to care for her and her desires. Man is not the owner of his wife and in fact a woman has certain rights upon her husband.
Allah states in the Holy Qur’an:
وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ ۗ
“… And women have rights similar to the rights of men in a just manner, and the men have a degree (of advantage) over them…” (2:228).

Show kindness towards non hijab sister’s.

We need to show kindness towards our beautiful sister’s who are not wearing Hijab. We should just be happy that our beautiful sister is submitting to Allah.

We have much bigger issues to worry about, like how do we keep sisters as Muslims. So many have been used and abused by narcissists and often their families with the abuser showing no remorse.

Many are trying to heal and don’t have the strength to overcome anxiety, PTSD and other stress related conditions.They cannot cope instantly over night, to tolerate confrontations while wearing Hijab in front of Islamohobic people.

We need to look at our own sins as we won’t be asked about the sins of others in our graves. To say it plain and simple for everyone to understand, we have to stop judging and be grateful to have more beautiful sister’s taking shahada everyday.

I know a sister who has to uncover for work, you can easily say ” oh quit ” it’s not that simple we are too hard on each other.

We all sin differently at times in our lives.This “Gang” type mentality judging other sisters is cruel and pushes the sister away from the Deen. Bullying her because she is not dressed in hijab makes you no better than anyone else who has victimised her.

I personally believe that the Hijab is the most beautiful form of modesty which is part of my identity mashallah.
It is our ” CROWN” but please give our beautiful sisters time to embrace it inshallah. They need love and patience you cannot shame someone into loving her Hijab.

Many sisters have lost family etc… Bcause the chose to be ” Mooooslum” ( as some pronounce) so you are her new extended beautiful family! We need to embrace our beautiful sister’s with love and kindness! You don’t know what is happening in her life or what she may have already lived through.

The ups and downs of recovery from domestic violence.

If you feel like you are underwater, just keep swimming.
No one ever says healing from truma is going to be easy. And truth be told, it’s far from it. Recovery is like riding an emotional roller coaster. A constant feeling of up and down, swerving all over the place and sometimes feeling sick to your stomach. Sometimes you feel excited yet equally scared and fearful for your future and at times may want to hop off, but you can’t. You have to ride through the pain. Practice self-care and self-love by looking after yourself and connecting with Allah.

Where we place our energy is what we create in our lives. If all of our attention is focused on the past, all of our energy is placed in creating the same emotions. This will hinder your healing and you will continue to put everyone else’s needs above your own.

Once we focus on self love and self care we can place our attention on the present and the future, we place our energy there to create it.

By saying to yourself the things like, “Allah you are my source of strength, whenever I’m making dua to you, I feel that I’m home, I will always choose you Alhamdulillah.”