Feeling positive.

Alhamdulillah I have finally rounded the corner and am feeling positive about my future.

If you had asked me two years ago if this is what I had pictured for my future I would have said no.

It’s been a long and hard road to recovery. I thank every sister who has gone before me for the words of comfort and understanding. For those sister’s who are beginning a new chapter and ending an old one; please have faith that you too will find your happy place inshallah. You have to go through all of the stages to get there, but it is possible inshallah.

Today I’m going to make my vision board inshallah. There are still days when I am anxious about the future. I’m working hard on letting go and letting Allah guide me. I have to remind myself to have faith in what will be inshallah.

For so long I put everyones needs before my own, now I am practicing self care and self love and I’m moving forward now inshallah.

You will move forward inshallah.

As salamu walkom sister’s I’m 2 years out of domestic violence mashallah.

Let me assure you the roller-coaster subsides, the kids are ok, and you won’t be angry forever inshallah.

Time is the great healer. Allow yourself to dig deep initially and feel your feelings inshallah.

Write like a crazy woman. The intensity of feelings will fade and in its place a weight will lift off your shoulders, clarity will come and your confidence will rise inshallah.
Just look and move forward as there is no other place to go. Just don’t stay stuck. You owe it to yourself to get strong, have a voice and own yourself inshallah.

Allah has given you everything you need inside of you to heal, and you will inshallah .

Just wait to see what you will become. I’m excited for each and every one of you, because now you are in charge of you Alhamdulillah. ✌🏼❤️

Domestic abuse and children.

Domestic violence has a devastating impact on children and young people that can last into adulthood. That is why I created this page and the group. The aim is to break the cycle of domestic violence inshallah.

Are the effects the same for every child?

Children can experience both short and long term cognitive, behavioural and emotional effects as a result of witnessing domestic abuse. Each child will respond differently to trauma and some may be resilient and not exhibit any negative effects.

Children are individuals and may respond to witnessing abuse in different ways. These are some of the effects described in a briefing by the Royal College of Psychiatrists (2004):

They may become anxious or depressed.
They may have difficulty sleeping
They have nightmares or flashbacks
They can be easily startled
They may complain of physical symptoms such as tummy aches and may start to wet their bed
They may have temper tantrums and problems with school
They may behave as though they are much younger than they are
They may become aggressive or they may internalise their distress and withdraw from other people
They may have a lowered sense of self-worth.
Older children may begin to play truant, start to use alcohol or drugs, begin to self-harm by taking overdoses or cutting themselves or have an eating disorder

Children may also feel angry, guilty, insecure, alone, frightened, powerless or confused. They may have ambivalent feelings towards both the abuser and the non-abusing parent.

Do children grow up to be abusers and/or victims?

The “cycle of violence” otherwise known as the “intergenerational theory” is often referred to when considering the effects of domestic abuse on children; however research findings are inconsistent, and there is no automatic cause and effect

A boy who has witnessed domestic abuse does not have to grow up to be an abuser and a girl does not have to become a victim of domestic abuse later in life inshallah. The children can receive therapy to address the abuse they witnessed inshallah.

Why I will never ask Why me?

EIGHT ANSWERS TO “WHY ME” QUESTIONS.

We forget that even a leaf cannot fall down from a tree without the will of Allah.

Allah tests people in various ways. If a Muslim understands this, he will start replacement why did this happen to what did it teach me?

The Holy Quran answers all our questions.
WE ASK

1) WE ALWAYS ASK: Why was I TESTED?

AL-QURAN ANSWERS:

“Do men think that they will be left alone saying, ‘We believe’, and that they will not be tested? We did test those before them, and Allah will certainly know those who are true from those who are false.” [29:2-3]

2) WE ALWAYS ASK: Why I never get what I wanted?

AL-QURAN ANSWERS:

” It is possible that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and that you love a thing, which is bad for you. But Allah knows, while you know not.” Surah Al-Baqarah [2:216]

3) WE ALWAYS ASK: Why was I burdened this way?

AL-QURAN ANSWERS:

“Allah does not place a burden to a soul greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns.”Surah Al-Baqarah [2:286] & “So verily, with every difficulty there is relief: (repeated) Verily, with every difficulty there is relief. “Surah Al-Insyirah [94:5-6]

4) WE ALWAYS ASK: Why am I losing hope?

AL-QURAN ANSWERS:

“So lose not heart, nor fall into despair: For you will be superior if you are true in Faith.” Surah Al-Imran [3:139]

5) WE ALWAYS ASK: How can I face it?

AL-QURAN ANSWERS:

“O you who believed! Persevere in patience and constancy; vie in such perseverance; strengthen each other; and fear Allah that you may prosper.” Surah Al-Imran[3:200] & “And seek (Allah’s) help with patient, perseverance and prayer: It is indeed hard, except to those who bring a humbly submissive (to Allah).” Surah Al-Baqarah [2:45]

6) WE ALWAYS ASK: What do I get from all these?

AL-QURAN ANSWERS:

“Indeed, Allah has purchased from the believers their lives and properties (in exchange) for that they will have the garden (of Paradise)…” Surah At-Taubah [9:111]

7) WE ALWAYS ASK: On whom could I depend?

AL-QURAN ANSWERS:

“(Allah) suffice me: there is no God but He: On Him is my trust- He the Lord of the Throne (of Glory) Supreme.” Surah At-Taaubah [9:129]

8) WE ALWAYS ASK: But I can’t take it anymore!

AL-QURAN ANSWERS:

“…and never give up hope of Allah’s Soothing Mercy; truly No one despairs of Allah’s Soothing Mercy, except Those who have no faith.” Surah Yusuf [9:87] & “Despairs not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives All sins for He is Often- Forgiving, Most Merciful.” Surah Az-Zumar [39:53].

If Allah loves you more than the others, He will test you more than others!

Stop asking ‘Why Me?’ Instead praise Him more and more for the lessons you have learnt Alhamdulillah!

MAY Allāh ﷻ Guide us in all our understanding of His Beautiful answers in AL-QURAN.

Assalam alaikum waramatullah wabarakatuh.

Using mindfulness to help deal with anxiety.

When we are struggling to see past the truma we have lived or are still living. We can ground ourselves through mindful visualisation techniques. Imagine stepping on dried leaves remember how they crackle beneath your feet.

Remember the way the rain drops feel on your palms and the way a sister smiles back when you smile at her…

You can remember what it feels like to truly feel. To experience the sensations that make you human and connect to the world around you.
Try to smile because these little things actually bring joy rather than focusing on despair and uncertainty.
Practising mindfulness through visualisation, touch and smell and taste will help you achieve calmness inshallah.

You can learn to fade out the noise of truma and focus only on the making the life you want inshallah.

You can start to cope and rember that no harm can come to you without Allah allowing it. You will start to appreciate Allaah’s Rahma and connect with him on a deeper level. It is Possible inshallah.

Through mindfulness and a belief in Qadr what is meant for you will not miss you.

Women are worthy Alhamdulillah.

Allah loves women and created them worthy Alhamdulillah.
Women have been created strong mashallah. They give birth to children and do their best to raise mashallah.

Allah gave women the skills to function in all kinds of situations. They are able to provide love and compassion that can help to heal anything from a bruised knee to a broken heart Alhamdulillah.

Allah made women gentle yet strong enough to endure and overcome things a man couldn’t tolerate Alhamdulillah.
They can think, plan, reason and negotiate while multitasking in their home or workplace mashallah.

Allah equipped them to feel emotions cry to express grief, doubts, love, loneliness, suffering and pride. Women express their emotions and pick themselves up to maintain the home for their family mashallah.

Allah made women strong enough to handle trouble and carry heavy burdens mashallah. This doesn’t mean they should continue to live in domestic violence as they can survive.

Allah loves women and wants women to be safe. Children also need to be raised in a safe secure loving home. Children growing up in violence are affected by the abuse.

Allah gives women the strength to move forward to recover from Domestic violence and rebuild their lives.

Allah made women strong enough to leave domestic violence behind them and fight for a safe space inshallah.

Allah made women with the ability to love her children unconditionally. When her heart is broken she finds strength to move forward in life. Women are special mashAllah. Women are worthy.

January update.

I thought i would share again with the when I was in my new place etc. But this is all about the journey of healing and every single day is a victory. If you know my story then you know last year was excruciating. There were so many challenges. This year I said enough! I am reclaiming a piece of me everyday and focusing on the thoughts and attitudes that no longer serve me. I’ve started my Facebook groups and I cannot tell you the shift that’s happened when I stopped Focusing on everything that’s wrong and now having an attitude of gratitude and paying attention to my thoughts.

I know there will be challenges ahead but with the right attitudes, thoughts and emotions serving me I’ll be just fine. So here’s to a happy abundant 2019 inshallah .