When you have been hurt by it is so hard to be strong in the Deen. When I first escaped my abuse I struggled. I couldn’t understand why as I was now free Alhamdulillah.
I took tiny steps in the right direction until my soul pushed me to leap forward Alhamdulillah.
When you feel despair, that everything is going wrong always remember that Allah is All-knowing.
“Allah عز وجل described Himself 15 times in His Book that He is العليم الحكيم (The All-Knowing, All-Wise).
Put it in your heart that everything that happens to you, only happens by Qadr.
Our children are our test inshallah. Let us teach them the beauty of Islam through our deeds.
Dont be oppressive making halal things haram. Take the time to teach them to pray and also play with your children while they’re young.
Raise them with beautiful memories, as times passes so quickly, before you know it, they grow up and if you didn’t show the beauty of Islam they could follow a different path.
Here’s some take away quotes for those who couldn’t make it:
“To be an effective influencer you need to have a strong foundation yourself..”
“Your obligations and what is fard on you must take priority over extra deeds, we need to place our responsibilities in the right order…”
“Embrace whatever role Allah has given you and deal with it with Ihsan. Allah has chosen different obstacles for you…”
“No one is more productive than the righteous Muslim, your Deen is set up to make you successful…”
I’ve had some people comment to me that they’re sick of hearing people always speaking about the issue of domestic violence -as if it’s just something that some of us are exaggerating about the extent of this problem in our community…
I’m here to tell you that I’m not even a Counsellor or a Psychologist, yet on average I get *at least* two sisters per week contact me who are in highly emotional, physical and/or financially abusive marriages. Sadly many of these sisters are on the verge of losing their faith, and some have even contemplated suicide due to what they’re going through.
We as a community need to face the reality that we’re no longer living in a time where you can readily find those with true taqwa of Allah in their hearts, and thus today we are facing a real widespread problem with the way many of our men view their role in their marriages, where unfortunately they basically believe they have *unrestricted* authority over how they can treat the women in their “care,” just because “I’m the man.”
What you find is that many of them love to in particular quote the verse:
الرجال قوامون على النساء
“Men are the maintainers and protectors of women”
But they forget to read to the end of the verse where Allah عز وجل says:
إن الله كان عليا كبيرا
“Verily Allah is the Most High the Most Great (above you *all*)”
And as Ibn Kathir رحمه الله mentions in his Tafseer, that in this Ayah Allah is actually warning men: “that if they unjustly oppress women, then Allah is the Wali (Protector) of that woman and He will take vengeance against whosoever oppresses her and abuses her in her rights.”
So this is why brothers and sisters it’s so important that we as a community continue to speak out loud about this issue, and we should not stop speaking about it, until it’s no longer accepted amongst us as being something “normal” happening in our homes.
And in particular we desperately need our leaders and Mashaayekh to speak out strongly and consistently to our men in their Friday khutbahs (not just a couple of times a year) and send to them the clear message: that any type of abuse, or even just belittling and demeaning women –
is NOT normal,
is NOT acceptable
and is NOT from Islam.
Because our brothers are in the greatest need to know that the true meaning القوامة Al-Qawwamah, is to care for and protect one’s wife from the hardships and trials of this life -not to be her Number One hardship and trial.
And our sisters are in the greatest need to know that we as a community and Ummah care about them -and therefore we’re here to defend them against this ongoing injustice, and to stand by their side against this oppression that’s happening to them.
“The believing men and women are allies of one another.” (Qur’an 9:71)
Do we fit this description?
When you hear a sister raising an issue affecting women please have حسن الظن (assume the good) of her and don’t automatically jump to the conclusion she’s somehow promoting feminism. There were many occasions in which Aishah رضي الله عنها used to raise issues concerning women and stand up for the rights of women, and none of the Sahabah ever accused her of being too extreme or outspoken for doing so.
So unless a sister is blatantly promoting feminist ideas, please don’t falsely accuse, or suspect her, of being part of the feminist agenda, rather do what the Sahabah did – hear out the issue being raised by her – and then, by all means if you don’t agree with what’s said, you’re more than welcome to refute her arguments, with your evidences from Islam.
While I acknowledge that many of our sisters have sadly been influenced quite adversely by the feminist agenda, I’d also like to reassure all of our brothers out there that there are still many practicing sisters existing who are completely against the dismantling and changing of Islam in any form, whether by feminists, liberalists, modernists, or other than that.
So just as sisters need to stop being so quick in accusing our brothers (and in particular our Scholars and Mashayekh!!) of supporting misogyny simply because they happen to mention or support a particular Islamic ruling that is directed towards women, brothers too need to step back a bit before they jump to conclusions that every sister who speaks up about issues affecting women is helping to spread feminism.
I think it’s sad that we’ve all become so controlled and preoccupied by this feminist/ misogynist narrative to the level that almost every time you now want to speak about any gender related issue, you have to think almost 10 times about how to frame it, in case you’re accused of supporting either the feminist or misogynist camps.
It’s time for all of us to break completely free from the shackles of all of these false narratives and to go back to basing all of our opinions and discourse solely within the framework of Islam and its teachings.
Allah ﷻ says:
أَفَحُكْمَ الْجَاهِلِيَّةِ يَبْغُونَ وَمَنْ أَحْسَنُ مِنْ اللَّهِ حُكْماً لِقَوْمٍ يُوقِنُونَ
“Do they then seek the judgment of (the days of) ignorance. And who is better in judgment than Allah for a people who have firm faith.”
[Al Ma’idah v. 50]
~Umm Jamaal ud-Din