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Marriage

Marriage is full of blessings, Rahma, and tranquility. Marriage brings enjoyment and happiness from doing everything you love because it’s Halal for you.

When the right time comes Allah SWT will send your gift to you in unexpected ways. Allah SWT is saving you a perfect match. In inshallah. His plans for you is always for the best.

Being single means you are strong enough to wait for what you really deserve.

When people walk away from you let them go as your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you. You have to let go and heal that their part in your story is over.

You will overcome the truma and heal inshallah. You need to learn to love yourself so much without the love of others. Then and only then you will able able to love and receive love inshallah.

Nothing is permanent in this world – especially not our troubles. So always have hope that things will get better inshallah.

Allah always has a better replacement. So whenever you lose something, tell yourself, there’s something better waiting for me inshallah.

How to make a vision board.

Lets make a vision board to focus on our goals inshallah.
A vision board is a collage of images, pictures, and affirmations of your dreams, goals, and things that make you happy. It can also be called a dream board, treasure map, or vision map. Creating a vision board can be a useful tool to help you conceptualize your goals and can serve as a source of motivation as you work towards achieving your dreams and heal inshallah.
Reflect upon your goals. Most of us have some general or vague idea about what we want out of life, what our goals are, and what makes us happy. Nonetheless, when asked directly about our conception of the good life, we may struggle to come up with specifics.
To make sure that we’re on track, and that we won’t look back on our lives with regret, it’s a great idea to regularly set time aside to clearly identify our goals and aspirations in as much detail as possible, and to then come up with plans with concrete steps for achieving our aims. Creating a vision board can be one way to help us with this important task inshallah.
Think about the big questions. Before you get started making your vision board, spend some time thinking about the following general questions:
What, in your view, is a good life?
What makes a life valuable or worth living?
To help you answer these big questions (which can be overwhelming!), break them down into smaller questions:
What activities do you want to learn to do?
What hobbies and activities do you already do, but want to continue doing or get better at?
What are your career goals?
What steps will you have to accomplish along the way to be able to eventually land your dream job? (For example, do you need a particular degree, or will you need to secure an internship?)
What are your relationship goals? Don’t think just in terms of whether or not you want to be married, be in a long-term relationship or have children: think more specifically about what kind of person you want to be with, how you’d like to spend time with your partner, etc inshallah.
Choose your theme. Based upon the discoveries you’ve made after completing the above steps, it’s now time for you to decide what you want the focus of your vision board to be. Don’t feel as though you must limit yourself to creating just one vision board to reflect all of your dreams. You can make as many separate vision boards as you want, each with a different focus inshallah.
You can decide to make a vision board which focuses on a very specific goal that you have. For example, if want to be able to afford your dream vacation within the next year, you can design a Morocco dream board inshallah.
You can also make dream boards which have a more general theme. Perhaps after reflecting about the type of person you determined to become, you may want to work on becoming a confident, more self reliant person. Your dream board can be devoted to this theme inshallah.

How to make a self care plan.

How to make a self care plan
Sit alone in your room or anywhere do you like to go, with your diary, pen and paper.
On one page, mention the day, date, and time. It is very important because through this you will understand in how many days you get the results inshallah.
Make the lists of your hobbies, your best qualities, your best achievements, your best relationships, your favourite colours, clothes, dishes and best moments. It will make you feel very relaxed and good about yourself.
Exercise daily, without making excuses.
Try to go out for a morning walk after your breakfast. As well as having many advantages to fitness and digestion, appreciating your surroundings brings peace. Walk somewhere green and full of nature if you can.
Go to change your hair style, cut, colour, or have a massage. If you have do not a lot of money, you can do some of these things at home or find cheaper alternatives.
If you have more money, spend in charity inshallah.
Talk in a positive way for example:
I deserve to be happy and successful because I am most Allah’s creation.
I have the power to change my self.
I have the power to forgive others.
I forgive myself for my past.
I can make my own choices and decisions.
I deserve love.
I am a very special and valuable person.
Pay attention what you want, sit alone or listen to your inner voice, listen to what your body, mind and heart want.
Always eat healthy food and try your best to avoid junk food.
Make a list of what and when you eat in your diary, and make changes where necessary. Also note if these changes give you more energy, or make you feel happier.
Stand in front of a mirror and say the following affirmations to yourself with love and repeat them in your mind inshallah.
I am very beautiful Al-ḥamdu lil-lāh
I am loved by Allah.
I have a great personality Al-ḥamdu lil-lāh .
I deserve respect Al-ḥamdu lil-lāh .
Avoid those people who treat you badly. Be near good people, instead.
Take time and do things you enjoy, like cooking, art, home decorating, etc.
Make a special meal for yourself. Decorate your dishes. Learn something new and improve yourself. Learn a language, a skill or a new hobby. Never stop trying to improve yourself.
Further tips
Help other people, it will make you feel good as well.
Try yoga. It will keep you relax.
When you are in tough situation, just say to yourself, I can handle this. I am brave. I can solve this.
Make drinks. Take 5 almonds, boil them in water, then peel the skin off. Then take 1 cup of milk, pour in the milk and almonds then grind them. After that, if you like sugar add some, or grind again.
Always be positive. You don’t need to take yourself so seriously.
Consider
Do not be proud. Accept your mistakes.
Try not to be unnecessarily negative, but do not be afraid of your own feelings and express yourself when necessary.
Never keep your expectations from others, you do not have to do everything Inshallah.

Love Yourselves.

Beautiful sister’s I can’t do it anymore. I can’t attack myself. I can’t insult myself. I can’t respond to a compliment by offering up a list of my flaws. I just…can’t. It feels like such a violation of myself. I don’t have the heart for self-deprecation anymore Alhamdulillah .

Somewhere along the way, over the past few years, I’ve lost the dark (and particularly female) talent for self-criticism, and for tearing myself down. It feels like destruction. My mouth can’t form the hateful words Alhamdulillah .

And I can’t bear it anymore, to hear another woman demean, degrade, or diminish herself. It shocks my senses and hurts my heart. To witness a woman denying that she is beautiful. Allah created women beautiful Alhamdulillah.

It’s like watching a Phoenix rip off its wings. I just can’t be around it anymore. It hurts too much. This is my official plea: I beg you to stop doing that. You are a magnificent creature. Start knowing it. Stop lying about yourself. I love you. Allah loves you.

Forced marriage is haram.

Force Marriage is Haram in Islam

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

It is haram for the guardian (wali) of a woman to force her to marry someone she does not want and does not like, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The virgin should not be given in marriage until her permission has been sought.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6968; Muslim, 1419.

The apparent meaning is that this is general and applies to every virgin and every guardian; there is no difference between a father or any other guardian, hence al-Bukhaari interpreted the hadeeth by saying: “Chapter: The father or other guardian should not give a virgin or previously married woman in marriage except with their consent.”

The woman’s guardian has to fear Allah with regard to his daughters and not give them in marriage to anyone except those with whom they are pleased from among men who are compatible and suitable. The guardian should only give her in marriage for her interests, not for his own.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: With regard to giving her in marriage when she is reluctant, this is contrary to the basic principles and common sense. Moreover Allah did not allow her guardian to force her into buying or renting without her permission, or to eat or drink or wear something that she does not want, so how can he force her into sleeping with and living with someone she does not want to sleep with, and living with someone she does not want to live with.

Allah wants love and compassion between the spouses, and how can that be attained when she hates him and does not like him? What kind of love and compassion can there be in that case?!

End quote from Majmoo‘ al-Fataawa, 32/25

Secondly:

If the marriage contract has been done even though she was reluctant, then this marriage contract depends on the woman’s decision. If she accepts it, then it becomes a valid marriage contract, and if she does not then it is an invalid contract.

It was narrated that Buraydah ibn al-Haseeb said: A girl came to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and said: My father married me to his brother’s son so that he might raise his own status thereby. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) gave her the choice, and she said: I approve of what my father did, but I wanted women to know that their fathers have no right to do that.

Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1874. It was classed as saheeh by al-Buwaysiri in Masaabeeh az-Zujaajah, 2/102. Similarly Shaykh Muqbil al-Waadi‘i stated: (It is) saheeh according to the conditions of Muslim. End quote from as-Saheeh al-Musnad, p. 160

In the event that the woman does not accept this marriage, then it is invalid and she has to tell the one who did this marriage contract with her about that. He does not have the right to force her to engage in intercourse and intimacy, and she does not have the right to allow him to do that so long as she does not accept this marriage.

Such a marriage can be annulled or cancelled by the Islamic Judge or leader.

I ask Allah to grant us the knowledge and understanding of Islam. Aameen.

A Emotional connection.

Advice to brothers, how to achieve a emotional connection with your wife inshallah.

💖Fear Allah: It was the noble practice of Nabi salallahu alayhi wasallam to conscientise the spouses about the fear for Allah before performing a Nikah by reciting the verses (Nisa v14, Ahzab v69, Aali-Imraan v101) from the Quraan. All the verses are common in the message of Taqwa (fear of Allah). The spouses will be first committed to Allah before being committed to their partner. There can be no doubt in the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allah.

💖 Control your anger. One Sahabi came to Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam and sought some advice. Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam replied, control your anger. The same advice was rendered three times. (Mishkaat pg.433; HM Saeed)

💖 Don’t feel you have to win a argument. Nabi salallahu alayhi wasallam said: “Whoever discards an argument despite being
correct shall earn a palace in the centre of Jannah. (Ibid pg.412)

💖 Never shout and scream at her unless the house is on fire:
Luqman (AS) while offering advice to his son said: ” and lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of a donkey”. (Surah Luqman v19)

💖 Do not be overtly critical with her. Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam said, ‘A Mu’ min is a mirror for a Mu’min.’ (Abu Dawud vol.2 pg.325; Imdadiyah) Advise with dignity and silently.

💖 Never neglect your wife it would be better to neglect the whole world rather than her.
Nabi salallahu alayhi wasallam confirmed the advice of Salman to Abu-Darda [RA] for neglecting his wife. “Verily there is a right of your wife over you.” (Nasai Hadith2391).

💖 Never sleep with an argument unsettled: Abu Bakr radiallahu anhu resolved his dispute with his wife over-feeding the guests before going to bed. (Bukhari Hadith 602).

💖 At least, once everyday, express your gratitude to your wife :
Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘Whoever does not show gratitude to the people has not shown gratitude to Allah.’ (Abu Dawud pg.662; Karachi)

💖 When you have done something wrong, admit it and ask for forgiveness: Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘All the sons of Aadam commit error, and the best of those who err are those who seek forgiveness.’ (Tirmidhi Hadith 2499)

Silence hides violence.

My perpetrator truly believes that abuse in marriage is normal and in the final years I was so afraid he would kill me and our children that I stayed silent after continually crying out for help.

I became so sick the fight left my body. My fibromyalgia flared up so bad I ended up surviving on medication. That medication helped with my pain but also suppressed my ability to defend myself.

He uses my silence during that stage as justification that it couldn’t have been that bad. His violence had escalated to a truly cruel level. While all the time wanting intimacy. When the victim stop crying it really is that bad as they have given up and died within.
Silence hides violence.