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Respect your wife.

Assalamu alaikum …🌸

🌼RESPECT YOUR WIFE🌼

A woman is proud of herself just the same as a man would be. She likes to be respected by others. She would get hurt if she were to be insulted or belittled. She feels good when respected and would hate those who try to degrade her.

She works for you and your children’s comfort and thus expects you to value her efforts and to respect her. Honouring her would not belittle you but it would indeed go to prove your love and affection towards her. Therefore, respect her more than others and talk to her politely. Do not interrupt her or shout at her. Call her by respectful and virtuous names. Show your respect when she wants to sit down.

When you enter the house, if she forgets to say ‘Salam’ (greetings), then you should say ‘Salam’ to her.
Say ‘Good-bye’ when leaving your house. Do not lose contact with her when travelling or away from home. Write to her.

Show your respect for her when in gatherings. Seriously avoid all insults and humiliation. Do not abuse or even jokingly tease her. Do not think that because you are close to her she would not mind you making fun of her. On the contrary she will dislike such an attitude.

All women expect their husbands to respect them and all of them hate insults If some women keep silent before their husbands’ humiliations, it is not the proof of their satisfaction.

If you respect your wife, she will do the same to you and thus your relationship will grow stronger. You would also earn more respect from others. If you maltreat her and she retaliates, it is again your fault and not hers.

The Almighty Allah regards men as the guardians of their families and states in the Holy Qur’an that:
الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ
“Men are the maintainers of women, because Allah has made some of them to excel others…” (4:34).
Therefore, men have a greater and more difficult responsibility in supporting family and prepare the grounds for their happiness and it is he who can turn the house into a paradise and his wife.

“The Prophet of Allah (S) stated: ‘Man is the guardian of his family and every guardian has responsibilities towards those under his guardianship’.”1
A man, who is supporting his family, should know that a woman is also a human being like a man. She also has desires and the rights of freedom and life. Marrying a woman is not hiring a servant, but it is a selection of a partner and a friend who would be able to live with for the rest of one’s life. Man has to care for her and her desires. Man is not the owner of his wife and in fact a woman has certain rights upon her husband.
Allah states in the Holy Qur’an:
وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ ۗ
“… And women have rights similar to the rights of men in a just manner, and the men have a degree (of advantage) over them…” (2:228).

Show kindness towards non hijab sister’s.

We need to show kindness towards our beautiful sister’s who are not wearing Hijab. We should just be happy that our beautiful sister is submitting to Allah.

We have much bigger issues to worry about, like how do we keep sisters as Muslims. So many have been used and abused by narcissists and often their families with the abuser showing no remorse.

Many are trying to heal and don’t have the strength to overcome anxiety, PTSD and other stress related conditions.They cannot cope instantly over night, to tolerate confrontations while wearing Hijab in front of Islamohobic people.

We need to look at our own sins as we won’t be asked about the sins of others in our graves. To say it plain and simple for everyone to understand, we have to stop judging and be grateful to have more beautiful sister’s taking shahada everyday.

I know a sister who has to uncover for work, you can easily say ” oh quit ” it’s not that simple we are too hard on each other.

We all sin differently at times in our lives.This “Gang” type mentality judging other sisters is cruel and pushes the sister away from the Deen. Bullying her because she is not dressed in hijab makes you no better than anyone else who has victimised her.

I personally believe that the Hijab is the most beautiful form of modesty which is part of my identity mashallah.
It is our ” CROWN” but please give our beautiful sisters time to embrace it inshallah. They need love and patience you cannot shame someone into loving her Hijab.

Many sisters have lost family etc… Bcause the chose to be ” Mooooslum” ( as some pronounce) so you are her new extended beautiful family! We need to embrace our beautiful sister’s with love and kindness! You don’t know what is happening in her life or what she may have already lived through.

The ups and downs of recovery from domestic violence.

If you feel like you are underwater, just keep swimming.
No one ever says healing from truma is going to be easy. And truth be told, it’s far from it. Recovery is like riding an emotional roller coaster. A constant feeling of up and down, swerving all over the place and sometimes feeling sick to your stomach. Sometimes you feel excited yet equally scared and fearful for your future and at times may want to hop off, but you can’t. You have to ride through the pain. Practice self-care and self-love by looking after yourself and connecting with Allah.

Where we place our energy is what we create in our lives. If all of our attention is focused on the past, all of our energy is placed in creating the same emotions. This will hinder your healing and you will continue to put everyone else’s needs above your own.

Once we focus on self love and self care we can place our attention on the present and the future, we place our energy there to create it.

By saying to yourself the things like, “Allah you are my source of strength, whenever I’m making dua to you, I feel that I’m home, I will always choose you Alhamdulillah.”

End abuse now.

This needs to be yelled from the rooftops!!!!

#endabusenow

Dear Muslim Community,

When a woman comes to you telling you about the ongoing physical, verbal or even financial abuse she’s suffered from her husband, please have some compassion in your hearts and don’t make her feel guilty for wanting to leave that marriage.

Please don’t ignore the pain in her eyes and the intense grief in her voice and tell her to simply go back and put up with her husband and be patient…Because Islam doesn’t expect a woman to be “patient” in that case…

So please give her some hope by reminding her about how Islam came to defend, honour and protect the wellbeing of women.

And please try to comfort her by telling her that Allah ﷻ is not going to punish her for wishing to get out of that miserable, toxic marriage.

And that Islam teaches us as Muslims to stand up against oppression and to help and support the oppressed.

And that the one who remains silent and doesn’t come to your aid when they had the ability to do so, is like a helper in that oppression….

Dearest sisters, if you have suffered ongoing physical, verbal, or financial abuse in your marriage, then know that Islam has allowed a woman to protect herself from that harm by asking for a divorce in that case, and it’s not something you should feel guilty about, as long as you know that what you’re claiming is absolutely true.

And finally please know that it’s not allowed for a husband who’s oppressed you to punish you twice, by pushing you into taking khula’ (separation) from him, and to force you to pay back your mahr (dowry) in order for you to get released from your marriage contract, because that is “pushing the wife to give up from her mahr without right.” (1) Rather what he should do is divorce you and give to you the rights that are due to you in Islam.

Allah ﷻ says in Surat an-Nisaa v19:

ولا تعضلوهن لتذهبوا ببعض ما آتيتموهن

“And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality.”

May Allah ﷻ protect us all from supporting, witnessing or remaining silent in the face of Thulm (oppression), because verily Thulm is darkness on the Day of Resurrection.

(1) See Al-Mughni, Chapter of Al-Khula’ 7:5751

Repost: Umm Jamaal ud-Din

Istanghfar

You will Never forget ISTAGHFAR after reading this inshallah.

A man once came to al-Hasan al-Basri and complained to him:
“The sky does not shower us with rain.”
He replied:
“Seek Allah’s forgiveness (i.e. say ﺃﺳﺘﻐﻔﺮ ﺃﻟﻠﻪ ).”

Then another person came to him and said,
“I complain of poverty.”
He replied:
“Seek Allah’s forgiveness.”

Then another person came to him and complained,
“My wife is barren; she cannot bear children.
” He replied:
“Seek Allah’s forgiveness.”

The people who were present, said to al-Hasan:

“Everytime a person came to you complaining, you instructed them to Only to seek Allah’s forgiveness?”

Al-Hasan al-Basri said,

“Have you not read the statement of Allah?

“Ask forgiveness of your Lord. Truly He is Oft-Forgiving. He will send rain to you in abundance; increase you in wealth and children; grant you gardens and bestow on you rivers.”‘”
_[Nuh (71):10-12]_

There are two things in the earth that give a person safety and security from the punishment of Allah.
The first has been removed, whilst the second still remains.
As for the first, it was the Messenger of Allah ( ﺻﻠﻲ ﺃﻟﻠﻪ ﻋﻠﻴﻪ ﻭ ﺳﻠﻢ ).

“Allah would not punish them while you were among them.”
_[al-Anfal (8):33]_

As for the second, it is istighfar.

“Allah would not punish them as long as they sought forgiveness.”
_[al-Anfal (8):33]ﺃﺳﺘﻐﻔﺮ ﺃﻟﻠﻪ

Do not ever leave istighfar!

Please share and remember that you will receive the reward for all those who make istighfar, due to your reminder.

Astaghfirullaaha wa ‘atoobu ‘ilayhi.

Rasul Allah (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “If anyone continually asks forgiveness, Allah will appoint for him a way out of every distress, relief from anxiety, and will provide for him from where he never realized.”

_[Abu Dawood, Hadith 59]_

Inner strength Alhamdulillah.

I have always read whatever don’t break you makes you stronger. However seeing so many sister’s going through so many trials life I have realised that it’s not true.

So many sister’s have been left with serious mental health problems due to surviving in violence. They cannot articulate what they are experiencing.

The strength that got me through the struggle was within me all along Alhamdulillah.

I have come to understand that so many of us were given our trials to be the voice of the voiceless. We were born with a untapped strength to bear pain and have the ability to tell our story, Alhamdulillah.

Our hardships have shaped us into focusing on breaking the cycle of domestic violence Alhamdulillah.

I finally understand that the abuse I endured in childhood and my later domestic violence was a trial. Allah equipped me with the strength to survive when I believed I would never escape alive so I could be a light for the voiceless inshallah.

Allah never gave me more than I could handle, as he knew my limits and would never break me Alhamdulillah.

Sustaining a marriage.

SUSTAINING MARRIAGE. #BISMILLAH!

To many people, marriage is no more than you meet someone. You fall in love. You get married. You live happily ever after…. Only if it were that easy!

Sadly, the reality that stares us in the face isn’t very gratifying. By design, marriage should be fruitful, happy and enduring. This is as Allah points out to us:

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.” ✔(Surah Ar-Room Quran 30, Verse 21).

Isn’t it really strange that relationships bound together with love and affection just yesterday turn really sour today? You wondered, where all the ‘I love you(s)’ went? At what point did the beloved of yesterday turn to the detested of today? Why do heartthrobs become heart robs?

You would think , every couple enters into their marriage with high hopes and strong desire to make their own an ideal relationship. However that is not always true. The sister enters the marriage innocently and soon become really defeated. Why is this happening you ask yourself? Well often the perpetrator has no fear of Allah and just intends on using the sister for whatever he needs. As he had no fear of Allah nothing stops him from harming her in different ways either psychological, emotional, physical, financial etc. Sometimes all of the typesof abuse are present.
Is it ever possible to sustain marriage for a real long time these days?

The answer is ‘yes’ and the presence of many enduring marriages attests to this Alhamdulillah.
To avoid marrying a perpetrator you need to love yourself without the love of others inshallah. You need to be aware of red flags and listen to your intuition inshallah.
May Allah help in sustaining your marriage biithni’lIaah (by Allah’s Grace)!.

May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) bless us and protect our marriage from the satanic influences. Aameen.