Blog

End abuse now.

This needs to be yelled from the rooftops!!!!

#endabusenow

Dear Muslim Community,

When a woman comes to you telling you about the ongoing physical, verbal or even financial abuse she’s suffered from her husband, please have some compassion in your hearts and don’t make her feel guilty for wanting to leave that marriage.

Please don’t ignore the pain in her eyes and the intense grief in her voice and tell her to simply go back and put up with her husband and be patient…Because Islam doesn’t expect a woman to be “patient” in that case…

So please give her some hope by reminding her about how Islam came to defend, honour and protect the wellbeing of women.

And please try to comfort her by telling her that Allah ﷻ is not going to punish her for wishing to get out of that miserable, toxic marriage.

And that Islam teaches us as Muslims to stand up against oppression and to help and support the oppressed.

And that the one who remains silent and doesn’t come to your aid when they had the ability to do so, is like a helper in that oppression….

Dearest sisters, if you have suffered ongoing physical, verbal, or financial abuse in your marriage, then know that Islam has allowed a woman to protect herself from that harm by asking for a divorce in that case, and it’s not something you should feel guilty about, as long as you know that what you’re claiming is absolutely true.

And finally please know that it’s not allowed for a husband who’s oppressed you to punish you twice, by pushing you into taking khula’ (separation) from him, and to force you to pay back your mahr (dowry) in order for you to get released from your marriage contract, because that is “pushing the wife to give up from her mahr without right.” (1) Rather what he should do is divorce you and give to you the rights that are due to you in Islam.

Allah ﷻ says in Surat an-Nisaa v19:

ولا تعضلوهن لتذهبوا ببعض ما آتيتموهن

“And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality.”

May Allah ﷻ protect us all from supporting, witnessing or remaining silent in the face of Thulm (oppression), because verily Thulm is darkness on the Day of Resurrection.

(1) See Al-Mughni, Chapter of Al-Khula’ 7:5751

Repost: Umm Jamaal ud-Din

Istanghfar

You will Never forget ISTAGHFAR after reading this inshallah.

A man once came to al-Hasan al-Basri and complained to him:
“The sky does not shower us with rain.”
He replied:
“Seek Allah’s forgiveness (i.e. say ﺃﺳﺘﻐﻔﺮ ﺃﻟﻠﻪ ).”

Then another person came to him and said,
“I complain of poverty.”
He replied:
“Seek Allah’s forgiveness.”

Then another person came to him and complained,
“My wife is barren; she cannot bear children.
” He replied:
“Seek Allah’s forgiveness.”

The people who were present, said to al-Hasan:

“Everytime a person came to you complaining, you instructed them to Only to seek Allah’s forgiveness?”

Al-Hasan al-Basri said,

“Have you not read the statement of Allah?

“Ask forgiveness of your Lord. Truly He is Oft-Forgiving. He will send rain to you in abundance; increase you in wealth and children; grant you gardens and bestow on you rivers.”‘”
_[Nuh (71):10-12]_

There are two things in the earth that give a person safety and security from the punishment of Allah.
The first has been removed, whilst the second still remains.
As for the first, it was the Messenger of Allah ( ﺻﻠﻲ ﺃﻟﻠﻪ ﻋﻠﻴﻪ ﻭ ﺳﻠﻢ ).

“Allah would not punish them while you were among them.”
_[al-Anfal (8):33]_

As for the second, it is istighfar.

“Allah would not punish them as long as they sought forgiveness.”
_[al-Anfal (8):33]ﺃﺳﺘﻐﻔﺮ ﺃﻟﻠﻪ

Do not ever leave istighfar!

Please share and remember that you will receive the reward for all those who make istighfar, due to your reminder.

Astaghfirullaaha wa ‘atoobu ‘ilayhi.

Rasul Allah (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “If anyone continually asks forgiveness, Allah will appoint for him a way out of every distress, relief from anxiety, and will provide for him from where he never realized.”

_[Abu Dawood, Hadith 59]_

Inner strength Alhamdulillah.

I have always read whatever don’t break you makes you stronger. However seeing so many sister’s going through so many trials life I have realised that it’s not true.

So many sister’s have been left with serious mental health problems due to surviving in violence. They cannot articulate what they are experiencing.

The strength that got me through the struggle was within me all along Alhamdulillah.

I have come to understand that so many of us were given our trials to be the voice of the voiceless. We were born with a untapped strength to bear pain and have the ability to tell our story, Alhamdulillah.

Our hardships have shaped us into focusing on breaking the cycle of domestic violence Alhamdulillah.

I finally understand that the abuse I endured in childhood and my later domestic violence was a trial. Allah equipped me with the strength to survive when I believed I would never escape alive so I could be a light for the voiceless inshallah.

Allah never gave me more than I could handle, as he knew my limits and would never break me Alhamdulillah.

Sustaining a marriage.

SUSTAINING MARRIAGE. #BISMILLAH!

To many people, marriage is no more than you meet someone. You fall in love. You get married. You live happily ever after…. Only if it were that easy!

Sadly, the reality that stares us in the face isn’t very gratifying. By design, marriage should be fruitful, happy and enduring. This is as Allah points out to us:

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.” ✔(Surah Ar-Room Quran 30, Verse 21).

Isn’t it really strange that relationships bound together with love and affection just yesterday turn really sour today? You wondered, where all the ‘I love you(s)’ went? At what point did the beloved of yesterday turn to the detested of today? Why do heartthrobs become heart robs?

You would think , every couple enters into their marriage with high hopes and strong desire to make their own an ideal relationship. However that is not always true. The sister enters the marriage innocently and soon become really defeated. Why is this happening you ask yourself? Well often the perpetrator has no fear of Allah and just intends on using the sister for whatever he needs. As he had no fear of Allah nothing stops him from harming her in different ways either psychological, emotional, physical, financial etc. Sometimes all of the typesof abuse are present.
Is it ever possible to sustain marriage for a real long time these days?

The answer is ‘yes’ and the presence of many enduring marriages attests to this Alhamdulillah.
To avoid marrying a perpetrator you need to love yourself without the love of others inshallah. You need to be aware of red flags and listen to your intuition inshallah.
May Allah help in sustaining your marriage biithni’lIaah (by Allah’s Grace)!.

May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) bless us and protect our marriage from the satanic influences. Aameen.

Small changes help you to heal Alhamdulillah.

I still live in the home the violence escalated in. I always hated this house as the abuse became worse here.

Looking out my window I looked at all my beautiful daffodils growing beautifully. He never allowed me to do gardening.

I grew up always painting and decorating as my father was a builder. I painted my kitchen and my hallway now it’s like a different house Alhamdulillah

I walked in the house after being out yesterday and I looked around me absorbing the changes. It suddenly hit me and I felt that actually I love my home Alhamdulillah. The difference I have made in nearly two years was huge Alhamdulillah. My heart lit up to see the small changes I had made helped me reclaim the home.

I love my home and I love me Alhamdulillah.

I just wanted to share this, as small actions make a big difference. ❤️

Taking back control

As grew up in violence and went on to marry a abuser. I have spent so much of my life, pleasing others, not wanting to make waves, agreeing with others to avoid conflict, etc. “Don’t make a fuss or else he will be mad.” I did everything running myself ragged in the process. I used to drive myself crazy trying to please everyone. I was completely isolated.

Even when I escaped the violence, I still did all the jobs to maintain the home. In doing all of this I lost the most important person in my life. Myself. I’d forgotten who the real me was.

In my home, I learned that if I didn’t make stand up for myself change wouldn’t happen. However it didn’t last long. Soon I would have to change, adapt, and give in again to placate the prevailing mood or attitudes of others.

It was exhausting, and in the middle of it all I lost my sense of identity. I was now living a self-imposed isolation because I didn’t want to see the outside world.
One day after doing everything with no help and constant criticism, I broke down and cried. This is not what I wanted. I had dreams and being a doormat to my three grown children was definitely not my dream.

I asked myself the following questions:
What are you passionate about?
What do you want to do ?
What do you want out of life?

I realized that if I was to be happy and free, it was up to me to change. I had to stop feeling guilty for marrying badly. I never chose to be abused. I did not ask to be a victim of domestic violence. Alhamdulillah I was a survivor.

Changing the way, I interacted with my children was very uncomfortable for a long time. Suddenly I was no longer the pushover, and when I disagreed or refused to go along with their ideas, I suffered their wrath.

Alhamdulillah already with just about six months of being true to myself, I am healing my relationship with myself. Today, I am no longer trying to please everyone. My house is not as tidy as I would like, but my children need to learn the skills for life and that won’t happen if I keep doing everything for everyone.

I still ask myself questions about what i want and my life is now more fulfilling Alhamdulillah. I beginning to get to know who I am and what I want in my life or not. I learned to swim and set up my page and the group Alhamdulillah.

Each of us has a past and some of us have had it harder than others. Maybe you are struggling with the pressures on your shoulders. If you are unsatisfied with your life, why not try learning about yourself, your dreams, your desires and your passions? It could change your life for the better inshallah.

Thinking of marriage?

As survivor’s we Muslim remember when moving forward that marriage is not easy. It can be difficult getting used to knowing each other inshallah. It can also be amazing and beautiful Alhamdulillah.

Not everyone will be like your perpetrator. When you heal you will attract a healthy brother who will fear Allah and truly love you inshallah.

Today, let us pray for all those marriages which are causing heartache and may Allah protect, bless and guide us all. Ameen.