Breaking the cycle of domestic violence.

💕The reason this takes an enormous amount of courage after we have experienced childhood developmental trauma is because as children we were powerless and had no possible way of preventing abuse . 💕

💕Also, our brain developed differently from the complete overwhelm of living in flight or fight mode, we also neither had language for nor the ability as a child to help ourselves or others .💕

💕As an adult, it takes immense courage to stand by what we know within us to be the truth, our truth. As children, we adopted safe methods of responding we would freeze to survive.💕

💕 Inshallah as adults we need to heal and learn new ways to live as we are now we are safe Alhamdulillah . 💕

💕We need to practice self care and self love inshallah. If we do not heal our boundaries will be to low.💕

💕 We will continue to attract narcissists and we will continue to live in survival mode to survive. It’s time now to stop surviving and start living inshallah.💕

💕We need take action to deal with our truma. I had talking therapy and it helped me to explore how I felt and what remove the stigma and shame from me to my perpetrators Alhamdulillah .💕

💕It takes courage to identify that we want to have therapy. We need to heal, love ourselves and change our response to ourselves.💕

💕We are safe now as have adults take responsibility for the decisions we can now make. 💕

💕We need to love ourselves without the need for the love of others inshallah. We need to break the cycle of domestic violence.💕

💕 We need to be committed, to consistency practise self care and self love inshallah. We need to have compassion for ourselves inshallah. We all can break the cycle of domestic violence inshallah. 💕

Impact of narcissistic abuse on the victim.

Beautiful sister’s
The part that no one wants to talk about is the psychological impact of narcissistic abuse on the victim.

For some it takes more help. Praying, trying to change your train of thought, resting, being active…nothing helps.

The anxiety and overwhelming pain, fear, frustration, and the fact that you let it happen just keep invading your mind & heart. However thinking you allowed it to happen implies you were given a choice, which you were not.

My perpetrator did this to me. Not just his physical abuse but the psychological, mental, emotional abuse. I truly believed that he would kill me and our children.

Sometimes being strong is knowing when you need counselling inshallah. I had lots of talking therapy for the abuse I suffered as a child and in my marriage. It has helped me Alhamdulillah.

Allah has guided me through and protected me and our children Alhamdulillah.

Love ourselves without the need for the love of others inshallah.

Beautiful sister’s let’s love ourselves without the need for the love of others inshallah. We love our creator first Alhamdulillah.

When proposals fall on your lap you become happy. However if the brother changes his mind negative thoughts run through your mind thinking there’s something wrong with you.

You question your self-worth instead of knowing that any brother that didn’t want to get to know you is missing out on a wonderful strong sister Alhamdulillah.

You question your self-worth instead of knowing it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. He knew that you were too good for him.

You question your self-worth and begin to conform to try to “get” his attention. By lowering your boundaries and ignoring the red flags.

What this all comes down to is not owning your self-worth and loving yourself first and foremost inshallah.

The Brothers you attract won’t change until you do inshallah.

Until you finally put yourself first and begin to work on your own self-love and believe in yourself as you are truly worthy.

A healthy brother is instinctually attracted a sister that loves herself.

That’s filled up by her own life and goals inshallah.

That doesn’t stop at the drop of a hat to change plans around to meet with them.

That doesn’t look for them to make them happy.

That is so happy in her own life he knows it’s a gift to be a part of it.

Notice I said healthy brother.

If you aren’t loving yourself first and owning your own worth, then you’ll fall victim to the first brother that pays attention to you.

You’ll fall for all the wrong brother’s and get attached each and every time.

You’ll fall victim to a brother that is filling in the missing pieces within yourself that’ll only leave you unhappy again in a year from now.

You’ll understand exactly why you have attracted what you’ve attracted and begin to attract differently inshallah.

Finding true love always starts and ends with you!

With you loving yourself and your life so much so that you’re not worried about someone coming in to make you happy inshallah.

Allah loves you and wants you to love yourself without the need for the love of others inshallah.

Leaving behind abuse.

Beautiful sister’s,

Just keep in mind that there will be a day inshallah, you can look back and be proud of what you were able to do when you thought you were at your worst. Leaving behind abuse is the best thing you could do for your children.

One day when your children are grown, they will realize what you did for them. They will mature and thank you for being a great mother inshallah.

They will tell you that they know you did the best you could under the circumstances that you faced. So, stay the course; you are strong and resilient. Leaving a marriage is very hard.

I do have some regrets. I wish I had escaped my abuse earlier and enjoyed my 3 children more when they were younger. Instead, I was so busy surviving, studying, planning for my freedom and keeping the household running smoothly.

I wish I had let the housework go and done more fun things with them. I couldn’t afford much because their father never contributed but I could’ve done simple things at home with them. I know now that I did the best I could at the time and you can’t change the past.

I just want to pass a little wisdom onto all you beautiful sister’s. Do something fun with your kids this weekend inshallah. Even if it’s just playing board games or watching a movie at home with some popcorn inshallah. No one ever died from a messy house!

Re-frame negative experience.

“Often, when we look back on our past with a newfound perspective, we’re able to re-frame our negative experiences into positive lessons that have shaped the person we are today. Without our experiences, we wouldn’t be blessed with the wisdom we’ve gained because of them. When we allow ourselves to move into a space of gratitude for all that we’ve learned, we automatically shift away from feeling like a victim and reclaim our power.” ~Pooja Thaleshwar

Considering marriage.

Assalamu Alaikum Sisters, when considering marriage a good Muslim brother;

💕Does not make friends with Muslim or non-Muslim women.💕

💕Do not exchange personal messages by facebook with strange women.💕

💕Does not call for webcam conversations.💕

💕It does not take a year to meet the suitor.💕

💕Does not say the family does not accept their choice.💕

Do not drink alcohol.
Do not ask to be alone with you, you must always be accompanied with your mahram or with another friend.💕

💕He does not ask for a temporary marriage, with predetermined date to end, since this marriage is forbidden by Islam.💕

💕The good Muslim is cautious in choosing his wife, because she will be the mother of her children, she should have a good education, with Islamic principles.💕

💕He does not deceive, does not tell lies and quickly arranges the wedding. The good Muslim does not test drive dating.💕

💕Before thinking about marriage, think about whether the person you are talking to is a good Muslim or not, and if he does fit into the characteristics of the good Muslim husband.💕

Jazakallah khairan

Take one day at a time inshallah.

This is something I’m working on. I’m a planner. I like routine and structure. After freeing myself my 22 year marriage, I was terrified how I would cope as my three children could be difficult.

It’s been nearly 2 years since I gained my freedom and I feel like a weight has been lifted. My children were difficult at times they still can be challenging at times. I can cope Alhamdulillah.

I don’t have to have every day of my life planned perfectly. I just need to keep moving forward, to turn my dreams into goals inshallah.

I need to give up some control for example always having my home like a show home and enjoy life beautiful sister’s inshallah.